Why me? And why different?
I have a few newly married friends, and today one of them was talking to me about how she is so ready to have a baby and she wants to start trying! Well, of course I am SO happy for her... but this cloud of jealousy came over me. I know its wrong to be this way and I have since asked God to forgive me... She is one of my favorite people and I would do anything for her, so its not a jealousy over her, but more over the order her life is in. It's in the right order. And mine, well, is not. I feel so stupid for getting upset because not only is it completely selfish but it's just my little "pity-party" which I don't think God likes either. But sometimes when I drive past colleges with people my age walking along together to their next class seeming to have no worries but their grades, or when I see pictures on Facebook of girls going off to the beach with their friends or how they can just make plans and do whatever they want... I sometimes have a hard time picking myself up. Most days, I can handle being different. I try to keep it positive, but I sure do have my bad days. Today was one of them. I think I cried the whole way home just to find myself in the same situation I have been for over 2 years. A situation of work, school, come home, clean room, maybe eat dinner, pay as much attention to Mya as I can, and stick my nose in Facebook to get away from the reality of my life. Hope is what gets me through the day. Hope for a better future and for a change. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm praying for an open door soon. Today I feel very weak and tired, and I think it's life telling me that my routine is wearing me out.
I know your life seems "out of order." The only thing I can think to tell you is that you should be looking at your life through God's glasses, not the world's. This is the order that God has given you, ya know? And I understand the jealousy...but keep in mind-couples with the "right order" try for years and years to have one child.
ReplyDeleteWe FINALLY got my mother into an assisted living facility. Finally. After a year of trying. A whole year of worrying, fighting, crying, and begging God for deliverance. And do you know what? This facility is the perfect one for her because they had an opening and they are allowing her to come in at a discounted price (which is not allowed) so we can have some money left over to get her prescriptions, buy her clothes, etc... otherwise, she wouldnt have any money left. Our other family members would have to continue to support her.
God's timing is perfect. I will pray for you friend! :-)
Aww thank you for that encouragement Lauryn!! I needed that :) And your right... its so worth that wait! Love you :)
ReplyDeleteYour not different except for the fact that you are a great great person because there are alot of people out there who are not. Your different because you had a baby young but you are a great mom to mya and alot of teenage moms for lack of a better word suck at it and you are doing so good and i am beyond proud of you i love you girl keep your head up
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