Growing Pains.

This past week I've been in a funk. Even as I write this, I'm holding back tears. But the funny thing is, I can't put my finger on exactly why. I have started and stopped this blog post about 5 times. I'm honestly not a cry baby, but most of my posts go that direction. So I apologize ahead for my pity party...

Coming to Liberty, my expectations were so high. I had it in my
mind that everything was just going to come together with little effort. Bills pay themselves, homework be swift, new friends knock on my door... crazy, right? I'm not really sure what I was thinking, but reality has knocked me down quite a bit.

Normally I balance my bank account almost every day but since I have been here, I rarely ever do it. Last week, I did it. And that same night, in my sleep, I was begging God for help. I woke up doing the same thing. I came to the conclusion that I have no clue how I will be able to finish 3 years of this. And although I never wanted to even think this, I have contemplated moving back home. I want to be at Liberty. I want to feel like I'm doing something with my life and be an example for other young moms. I want to show people that I'm capable even with a kid. Maybe it's my pride that's hurting... or maybe this is just a big test God has given me and I'm not doing so well.

At home, I have more support than I could ask for, I don't worry about finances and I know Mya has people surrounding her that genuinely love her. Even last week, I had to get Mya from daycare because she had pink eye. I took her to my mom so I wouldn't miss more school and because I couldn't do it on my own. Although I have been a "single mom", I haven't really been a single mom until I moved here. I feel the pressure of responsibility and time management.

When I talk to people about this, they come back with the question, "Well, what do you think God wants you to do?" And my answer is, "I know God isn't calling me to comfort." I knew coming here that it would be hard. And that I would have to grow so much closer to God in my faith and trusting in Him. God hasn't told me to stay but He also hasn't told me to go. So maybe this is just growing pains...

Mya's First week in Lynchburg!

Mya has been such a trooper this past week! She loves her new daycare. It's a smaller daycare so, they only have about 8 kids altogether (which I love). Tuesday, her second day, her teacher told me that Mya acts like she has been here forever. She said she is doing SO well. Everyday that we leave, all the kids run up and cover Mya with "goodbyes" and kisses! It's really cute!

We are slowly learning the rules of the house. As I become more comfortable with all the responsibility, she is testing her boundaries for sure! I am a neat freak so I have learned patience with the fact that she IS 3 years old, and she is going to make a mess. But she also has done a good job cleaning up!

Everyday this week, literally, we have watched "The Chronicles of Narnia." To my favor, its a longer movie, so I can get some homework done. She is really sweet about me doing my homework. As long as I sit on the couch with her, I can do my homework. It's worked so far!

Last night, she had a little runny nose, and didn't sleep too well. But today she has been running around like her usual self. :)

Yesterday we had our first snow in Lynchburg and here she is admiring it from our apartment window!

Her most famous sayings this week:

• After singing the "Dora the Explorer" song, she says, "I want to call Dora, do you have her number?"
• Randomly says "Cabs are here."
• She puts some big sunglasses on and I told her she looked like a bug and she said, "I don't look like a bug! Do bugs have glasses? No."

Tis the Day!

So this is the day I have been anticipating for about 10 months! I am finally at Liberty University in my own apartment and just finished my first day of classes! With the help of a few good friends, I moved my stuff here last two Saturdays ago and just this past Friday, I myself moved in. I still don't have everything unpacked. I will be sure to post up to date pictures once we get everything together! That is definitely the most exciting part for me- decorating my apartment! The week before I got here, I literally would wake up just thinking about what I wanted to do to my living room or what else I needed. On Friday, I had orientation and it was such a good day for me! I was so nervous about finding where I was supposed to go and getting all the last minute runs done. But I did it! Orientation went great! I met a few people there. Everyone is so friendly! Just walking down the sidewalk, I had someone stop me to ask where I was from and make small talk. Then all weekend, I had visitors. My mom helped me with some groceries and then my sister and her friend came to spend some time with me. And today, I got a taste of how heavy college work really is. I have 4 classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and 1 online. During my 4th class today, I started tearing up because I was so discouraged. I couldn't even wrap my mind around how much I had to do when I got home. But I just have to stay encouraged and on top of things and I'll be just fine! A great friend of mine reminds me that God didn't bring me here just to drop me off. He will take care of me :)

Tonight, I made my first home-made dinner! And believe it or not, it was good!! I was so proud :)

I will be sure to keep updating about school!!