Coming to Liberty, my expectations were so high. I had it in my
mind that everything was just going to come together with little effort. Bills pay themselves, homework be swift, new friends knock on my door... crazy, right? I'm not really sure what I was thinking, but reality has knocked me down quite a bit.
Normally I balance my bank account almost every day but since I have been here, I rarely ever do it. Last week, I did it. And that same night, in my sleep, I was begging God for help. I woke up doing the same thing. I came to the conclusion that I have no clue how I will be able to finish 3 years of this. And although I never wanted to even think this, I have contemplated moving back home. I want to be at Liberty. I want to feel like I'm doing something with my life and be an example for other young moms. I want to show people that I'm capable even with a kid. Maybe it's my pride that's hurting... or maybe this is just a big test God has given me and I'm not doing so well.
At home, I have more support than I could ask for, I don't worry about finances and I know Mya has people surrounding her that genuinely love her. Even last week, I h
ad to get Mya from daycare because she had pink eye. I took her to my mom so I wouldn't miss more school and because I couldn't do it on my own. Although I have been a "single mom", I haven't really been a single mom until I moved here. I feel the pressure of responsibility and time management.When I talk to people about this, they come back with the question, "Well, what do you think God wants you to do?" And my answer is, "I know God isn't calling me to comfort." I knew coming here that it would be hard. And that I would have to grow so much closer to God in my faith and trusting in Him. God hasn't told me to stay but He also hasn't told me to go. So maybe this is just growing pains...
